Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
