Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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