I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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