I'm jealous of your bromance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
