you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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