My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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