I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
