then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
