In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
