i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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