You can't motorboat a personality
I looked at my own cervix.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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