Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
