are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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