He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
