I think I am morally bankrupt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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