you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
