you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
