i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
