I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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