instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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