Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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