I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
