So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
