I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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