I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
