I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
