Pants 0. Shit 1.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
