My room smells like vodka and shame
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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