the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
