She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize