I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
