Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
