do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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