if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
