I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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