Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
