then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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