I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
