You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
