it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
