I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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