im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
