I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
