Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
