So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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