In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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