i can't believe i had my finger in that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was a blind-side dick pic.