Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright