you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.