her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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