Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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