had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
