I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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