I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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