Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
