just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
