Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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