I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
