you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
