You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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