why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
