First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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