All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
