I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
