Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
