Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
