U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
