Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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