I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
