The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.