I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret