I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.