Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
