I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
