I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
