What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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