If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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