So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
