can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
