I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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