DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
